This one goes out to my fellow writers & solopreneurs, though everyone should learn how to pivot rejection into results.
Querying writers often post about the amount of rejections they've faced. Many single out rejections as the reason they decide to stop querying and self-publish. [Side note: there are better reasons to choose self-publishing since you'll face rejection there too if you don't put the work in.]
You’ll often hear people say you’ve got to develop “thick skin” with handling rejection. From my experience, thick skin isn't nearly enough. Not if you want to turn rejection into results.
I’ve had a TON of experience with rejection over the years. [Don’t worry, we won’t get into my love life pre-marriage. No one needs that sob story.]
But spending 6 years in sales was probably the best move I ever made for my writing career, though I didn't realize it at the time. First, because it brought me my first 2 book clients via my co-workers. Second, because it taught me how to handle rejection.
Two Stories of Rejection
Story 1
Let’s rewind to 2013 …
I’d finished writing a novel I was convinced was genius. Starting querying agents and publishers. A reputable mid-level publisher reached out wanting to read the full manuscript. “This is it!” I thought to myself.
[spoiler alert: this wasn't it.]
Because it was 2012, I still had to send in the printed manuscript rather than upload a file. And then wait.
About two months later, I finally heard back. It was a pass.
I came to the wrong conclusion. "Clearly, traditional publishing is broken. I'm done with it. I'll forge my own path."
In 2019, I self-published that novel as part of my journey to learning how to edit and publish books. I barely tried to market it during its first month because that wasn't really the point. Deep down, I knew it wasn't my best work.
Forcing myself to see it as an editor taught me a really valuable truth: I gave up too quickly in 2013. I hadn’t reacted to rejection the right way. The manuscript wasn't ready. More importantly, it wasn't marketable.
If I had responded to rejection in a healthy way back in 2013, then I would've realized this much sooner and done more to educate myself: about writing, marketing, and querying.
Story 2
Now let's jump to 2024. I'd been a full-time ghostwriter for over a year and recently landed a partnership with an established nonfiction literary agent.
She put me into contention for a project that already had a book deal. The book plan spoke to me as soon as it had landed in my inbox. The author's agent said my writing sample was in the top 1% they had ever seen, and announced I was one of the final two ghostwriters in contention. Then the author and I had a great (if somewhat nervous on my part) call so he could make a final decision. If I landed this project, it would be my first official traditional deal.
But then the author couldn't decide. He liked both of us equally. So the decision was put in the hands of the acquisitions editor [who I never had the chance to talk to].
They chose to go with the other ghostwriter. Why? Because the other ghostwriter had more experience in traditional publishing than me. I was crushed. How could I get experience in traditional publishing if no one would give me a chance?
But after the initial sting, I was able to reframe the rejection:
“They’re not rejecting me so much as they’re choosing what’s best for the author.”
“This won’t be my last opportunity. I should be proud I made it this far. I belong in this industry."
Also, I realized that I could have done a better job with the author of voicing just how much I wanted the project. [More on that in a bit...]
But in both situations, I eventually learned the three pivots that every writer needs to make with rejections.
Pivot 1: It’s Them, Not You
Whether you’re in sales or querying a manuscript, you have to remember that the rejection is more about them than you. The person on the other end has to do what is best for their work. You would do the same in their shoes.
Literary agents are people too. They're not out to get you. They're not trying to prove they're better than you. They're looking for the projects they feel reasonably confident they can sell so they can put food on the table.
Same with prospects. They have their own goals and dreams to accomplish. Their decision to work with you or not is often more about the gut feeling they have about who will help them best accomplish those goals and dreams.
Can you influence the decision? Sure you can.
You can learn how to query better so that agents want to check out your opening pages. You can learn how to listen to prospects and better position yourself as the professional to help them.
But ultimately, the decision is out of your hands. People will always choose to go with what they feel is best for them at that time. Once you can see that the rejection isn't really about you, then you can move on a bit faster with less ruminating.
Pivot 2: What Can You Learn from the Experience?
With every rejection, there is a learning opportunity. In Story 1, I didn’t stop to consider what there was to learn from the publisher passing on my manuscript. I just threw a mini-tantrum and swore off traditional publishing for “not getting my work.” Wrong approach.
What I learned from the second “rejection” was that I need to be more bold in my pitch to the people I talk to. The decision didn’t totally surprise me because it was grounded in what I already knew would be the #1 objection to hiring me—my lack of traditional publishing experience at that point. I should have addressed this head-on with the author and said, “I know I lack the Big 5 experience, but no one is going to work harder for you than me because I believe in this project.”
It could’ve made the difference.
Then I should have taken 5 seconds to openly say, "I really want this, and that's why I would do great work. I'm hungry for this sort of project." Saying so wouldn't have hurt my chances at all. If anything, it could have been the tipping point the author needed to hear to make the decision for himself.
Now I don't beat around the bush so much. If I really want to work with an author, I tell them so on the call. That happened recently with a prospect. I openly said, "I looked you and thought you looked really interesting. You're exactly the type of person I want to work with."
He became a client the next day.
Pivot 3: Control What You Can Control
Easier said than done, but you can only control what you can control.
There is a lot in publishing you can't control, whether you're querying or working as a freelancer. When my head starts spinning and I feel overwhelmed, it's usually because I'm fixated on the stuff I have no control over. If you let it, rejection will teach you how to refocus.
Every day has 1,000 variables you don’t control. It’s nonsense to fixate on those over the handful of variables you do control:
Your attitude
Time management
Content creation
Client interactions
Prospecting
Pour that rejection energy back into the areas you can control and use it as motivation. The next opportunity will never come if you just give up. That’s what happened in Story 1 and it held me back from pursuing the publishing world for another 5 years.
Instead, I should’ve said, “They passed but there are still many other agents and publishers I can send this manuscript to. But first, I should do another read-through and learn from some experts to see if I can figure out why they passed.”
With a bit of focus on what I could control, I could have put myself into a much better mental space much earlier.
No matter how much rejection you receive, you’ll need more than “thick skin” to weather it all. You need all three pivots. You only need to look for one “yes” at a time, but you'll never find it if you chain yourself to the No.